viva las vegas, baby.
Whew! That really was an awesome trip! From gulfing down one of the biggest burgers I've seen at the Hard Rock Cafe and flinging through the New York New York roller coaster track, to somberly observing cadavers at the Real Bodies exhibit at Bally's, this trip was full.
We got to experience a lot of things that we don't during normality, the Michael Jackson ONE show by Cirque certainly being one of them, and what I learned really was that you can live off of facades; but you will never grow.
"Well that's fascinating, how in the reeking farmyard did you come to that conclusion, Rebekah?"
I know, I know; I should simply be thankful for this experience and move on, but like basically everything else I witness, I'm going to dig this baby up.
I really did enjoy my time in Vegas, it was seriously fun, and I'm super glad I had the opportunity to go; but my growth in all of it stems from the issue of superficiality: how long can you live distracted?
“Use the wings of the flying Universe,
choice is optional
You know it's funny, I didn't really expect to feel overwhelmed in the slightest this summer with all that I have going on - but the truth of the matter is that it is a little overwhelming... If I let it be.
See, I spent my entire week running all over the place, in meetings, postponing appointments, and getting started on fundraisers and other programs I'm helping to run, and not once did I look at it in the moment with distaste or ungratefulness. Now, I could've been salty if I wanted to - especially because of the feelings of worry and immediacy that flooded in through my ears after I got off shift or out of a meeting, but honestly I'm just thankful for the beautiful things I get to be apart of this summer.
This outlook did not come unhelped, in fact, it was due to external help.
"Peace, bringing it all to peace, the storm surrounding me, let it break at Your name"
the storm's'a ragin'
Not just the external storm of craziness, also the internal storm! The stories you tell yourself can kick up some pretty serious weather; not only that, but the mind as we know it is a complicated entity that wavers like the wind.
I know in my own case, I struggle with anxiety and suspicion like the whole sky is falling! It takes a lot of awareness, boundaries, and close friends to keep me level-headed and confident in reality. It's a huge issue in our modern society for so many reasons - an elevated awareness to the world's shenanigans especially - and I like to think that we all have to implement leverage at some point in time to keep our heads on straight, and avoid falling into traps of anxiety and distrust. The fact is, like my recent post states, our amygdalae need reminders that not everything is deadly and imminent.
Today's post is short and sweet, and relatively convicting, so I'd advise you wear a helmet.
It's not often that we see people who both say they belong to something as well as actively stand by it. We have organizations, politicians, and every-day-'Joes' who all publicly subscribe to a cause or commitment but falter in the shadows to what's easy and cultural. It seems that none of us can get away from lack of devotion no matter how hard we try, and we continuously allow for the burning candles of cause and passion to be swept by the wind of neglect and lack of accountability. Reflect on yourself as I, myself: what candles have you allowed to be blown out in the privacy of your darkness and hiding?
I'm not just talking about how long you could remain a vegetarian after watching a vulgar PETA video on Facebook, or how long it took before your New Year's Resolution of keeping your kitchen clean died off, but rather, I'm pointing toward purpose and directive. You've heard my spiel on purpose and directive before, so I'll get straight to the point:
knowing vs. doing
Lately, I have been in a state of waiting for things to happen. I mean, sure, I've been doing a whole lot lately as well, with travelling to the Okanagan, volunteering, etc., but I've also been waiting for things to start. It's interesting how much time you can spend waiting for things, and unless you find an opportunity to make something of yourself in the way, things can feel pretty dull and pretty directionless. It's only a matter of time before a period of waiting and anticipation becomes a deterrent from hopeful and intentional living. Hope is hard to cultivate in things that aren't tangible.
"You need a reminder once in a while that life isn't as immediate and primal as your amygdala might have you think."
life. is. crazy.
I just finished my THIRD YEAR of college. Like, two days ago!
If you can't tell, my tone is one of utter disbelief and confusion. The reason why I'm so confused isn't because I'm absolutely terrible at school and am surprised I actually made it (though it is a factor), but rather because I'm yet a year closer to being thrown into the grips of life and ministry without a safety net like school in the fall to retreat to.
Besides school though, life is still busy. If you've seen recent updates to my website, you'll notice a few things: 1) I have the honour of helping Movement Church Abbotsford in their ministries as they grow, 2) I only recently figured out that I have a solid income this summer working with people I love, which I'm stoked about, and 3) I'm still a total nut who can't make up her mind on what to do with life. 😉
"To fully submit ourselves, we have to peel off the layers of our own intentions and agenda, and submit to God's will"
Like peeling clothing from our bodies before going to bed, God sometimes requires us to peel our motivations, desires, and agenda away from ourselves to yield to Him.
Achieving humility can be discussed as essential to being a good person, or essential to success, or just a sign of weakness. But God requires us to humble ourselves (1 Peter 5:6) so that we can be lifted up for Him through Him. When we have our own intentions and motivations in the way, we refrain from letting go of anything, and therefore believe that we are the masters of our own fate (Invictus by William Ernest Henley). Layers upon layers upon layers of protection, coping mechanisms, and innate desires are what hold us up and keep us moving through this sly world; but God calls us to strip them away.
Something I learned recently (as you're probably tired by now of hearing in my other blog posts), is that God moves in unexpected ways, regardless of rules, in a near-reckless way.
You know when God just completely hi-jacks your plans and makes you wait for Him to fill in the blanks? Isn't that just the greatest time!?
Here's some context for you: I just refused a financially sound job that would make sense, would sustain Aiden and I, and would be risk-free, all for an opportunity with basically no money involved, that is completely dependent on whatever the Spirit has in mind. I'm beyond confused, scared, and excited all at once.
Oh, cr*p is right. Excuse the profanity, but there's no turning off of these 'crazy rails' now. When you're chasing the beckoning of the Holy Spirit, there are no rules on what He's allowed to do and what you can expect.
HOLY CORGI, these past two weeks have been so busy I've hardly had a moment to breathe.
It's okay though, I promise you I'm not dying or spiraling or anything; though it is interesting how crazy its been. A shortlist for you would include job interviews, gearing up in assignments and studying for the end of my second semester, trying my very best (usually) to keep my house semi-inhabitable, and all of the above.
Anyways, I won't ramble your ear off with the busy college life; but I will check in with you on a challenge I've received through it!
Life as We Know It
Textbooks, soap-making, emails, resumes, cat hair, and uncontrollable ambition all make up for a mentally exhausting lifestyle; but its the lifestyle myself and a few other students around Canada have undertaken because of what I can only assume is a more active sense of vision than ability to upkeep. Whoever said being a dreamer is rewarding is a liar, at least for the time being. Being a dreamer is a constant haul of emotions and inspirations that can often be killed by reality over the course of seconds or even years! The amount of dissatisfaction I've felt at the world and myself is strenuous compared to the time I feel 100% secure in my direction.
But to be honest, it's not because because being a dreamer is a bad thing; I have to stop myself from letting the light die when things get rough. Rather, I think that this internal conflict of passion versus direction is closely related to something much more subtle and ingrained in the needs of the human brain:
Hey! I'm rebekah.
Hi there! Welcome to the blog of a feminist Gen-Z Canadian bible-college student who spends her spare time in mermaid tails! You could say that I'm a coffee-loving, Jesus-chasing, go-happy mermaid with an appetite for unorthodoxy. Also low-key a tree-hugger. I created this blog to relate to and encourage people on my journey to fulfillment.