It's funny, somehow, that we each fight so intensely for a place.
We fight eachother, we fight life, we fight circumstance; we fight virtually anything that we perceive to stand in our way, or somehow devalue us. We find ourselves fighting against every unique challenging thing, regardless of its nature, and spend so much time scrutinizing each of them for potential threats.
We spend so much time striving against the passing clouds of circumstance that we forget what kind of unmoving foundation we're rooted in.
If you're an Enneagram type 4, like me, you know the fight for individual worth and you know it well. So much time used in the vacant land of the mind to put situations and people on the court stand for their true thoughts of our own individuality, weighing polarized either to assurance or opposition. I certainly have a knack for wasting time in the clouds of discernment.
The truth is that each of us are uniquely made, and offer individually specific things to the world. But how can we press forward in offering our uniquely created selves to impact others without speculating our allies and our axis?
As I sit here, at my plant-crowded desk, wondering what to type onto this page and listening to sweet, sweet Latin music of which I can't understand a word, I can't help but feel a lack of control. But it's not a scary lack of control, it's more of a sweet surrender. A surrender that comes from basking in the unpredictable and indecipherable happenings of now. You see, there's a flood of emotions that comes with transition and change, but a deep peace as well.
The change I'm talking about is a simple one in my life, it's basically routine: school is in.
It's away from full-time ministry and back into training and classes. Which is all fine and dandy, except that I feel that the person I was, the influencer and the leader that was cultivated within myself is at stake. I've spent thousands of tears, terrified of losing my current stability and health, longing for the people I won't be able to see again for months in the busyness, and petrified of waiting longer.
But like I said,
I feel a sweet, sweet peace.
DEA in your TLC
Today's post is about health. I know I don't usually write things about physical or practical health so much as I do spiritual or mental health, but recently I've taken light to a new trend of healthy and natural cosmetic/hygiene products. I used to think that this whole movement was a bit of a fad designed to make women pay more for their makeup remover just because, but I've learned that actually, governing agents that claim to filter out 'unsafe products' don't do their job as well as we'd hope they do.
There is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain, break every chain, to break every chain. - Tasha Cobbs
Seeing is believing
Do you ever notice how difficult it is to be ever mindful of what’s going on through our minds? It’s so difficult to keep track of exactly what cycle or state you’re in - especially when you can outwardly spectate over what mindset you’re in. I find it a weakness as well as a strength to be self-aware; a strength in the sense that awareness and introspection leads to growth, but a weakness in the sense that I then hold everyone else up to the same light. The fact that I do this really isn't fair, if you look at it objectively. It's not fair because people have different methods of learning, not everyone needs to constantly self-analyse to excel in self-development.
Long time, no see! Miss me!?
Oh man, I can't even begin to go on about how full life has been lately, it's been so, so good, but full. So my apologies for going AWOL for like a week and a half, I hope you've all been doing super well!
viva las vegas, baby.
Whew! That really was an awesome trip! From gulfing down one of the biggest burgers I've seen at the Hard Rock Cafe and flinging through the New York New York roller coaster track, to somberly observing cadavers at the Real Bodies exhibit at Bally's, this trip was full.
We got to experience a lot of things that we don't during normality, the Michael Jackson ONE show by Cirque certainly being one of them, and what I learned really was that you can live off of facades; but you will never grow.
"Well that's fascinating, how in the reeking farmyard did you come to that conclusion, Rebekah?"
I know, I know; I should simply be thankful for this experience and move on, but like basically everything else I witness, I'm going to dig this baby up.
I really did enjoy my time in Vegas, it was seriously fun, and I'm super glad I had the opportunity to go; but my growth in all of it stems from the issue of superficiality: how long can you live distracted?
“Use the wings of the flying Universe,
choice is optional
You know it's funny, I didn't really expect to feel overwhelmed in the slightest this summer with all that I have going on - but the truth of the matter is that it is a little overwhelming... If I let it be.
See, I spent my entire week running all over the place, in meetings, postponing appointments, and getting started on fundraisers and other programs I'm helping to run, and not once did I look at it in the moment with distaste or ungratefulness. Now, I could've been salty if I wanted to - especially because of the feelings of worry and immediacy that flooded in through my ears after I got off shift or out of a meeting, but honestly I'm just thankful for the beautiful things I get to be apart of this summer.
This outlook did not come unhelped, in fact, it was due to external help.
"Peace, bringing it all to peace, the storm surrounding me, let it break at Your name"
the storm's'a ragin'
Not just the external storm of craziness, also the internal storm! The stories you tell yourself can kick up some pretty serious weather; not only that, but the mind as we know it is a complicated entity that wavers like the wind.
I know in my own case, I struggle with anxiety and suspicion like the whole sky is falling! It takes a lot of awareness, boundaries, and close friends to keep me level-headed and confident in reality. It's a huge issue in our modern society for so many reasons - an elevated awareness to the world's shenanigans especially - and I like to think that we all have to implement leverage at some point in time to keep our heads on straight, and avoid falling into traps of anxiety and distrust. The fact is, like my recent post states, our amygdalae need reminders that not everything is deadly and imminent.
Today's post is short and sweet, and relatively convicting, so I'd advise you wear a helmet.
It's not often that we see people who both say they belong to something as well as actively stand by it. We have organizations, politicians, and every-day-'Joes' who all publicly subscribe to a cause or commitment but falter in the shadows to what's easy and cultural. It seems that none of us can get away from lack of devotion no matter how hard we try, and we continuously allow for the burning candles of cause and passion to be swept by the wind of neglect and lack of accountability. Reflect on yourself as I, myself: what candles have you allowed to be blown out in the privacy of your darkness and hiding?
I'm not just talking about how long you could remain a vegetarian after watching a vulgar PETA video on Facebook, or how long it took before your New Year's Resolution of keeping your kitchen clean died off, but rather, I'm pointing toward purpose and directive. You've heard my spiel on purpose and directive before, so I'll get straight to the point:
knowing vs. doing
Lately, I have been in a state of waiting for things to happen. I mean, sure, I've been doing a whole lot lately as well, with travelling to the Okanagan, volunteering, etc., but I've also been waiting for things to start. It's interesting how much time you can spend waiting for things, and unless you find an opportunity to make something of yourself in the way, things can feel pretty dull and pretty directionless. It's only a matter of time before a period of waiting and anticipation becomes a deterrent from hopeful and intentional living. Hope is hard to cultivate in things that aren't tangible.
My name's Rebekah.