Life as We Know It
Textbooks, soap-making, emails, resumes, cat hair, and uncontrollable ambition all make up for a mentally exhausting lifestyle; but its the lifestyle myself and a few other students around Canada have undertaken because of what I can only assume is a more active sense of vision than ability to upkeep. Whoever said being a dreamer is rewarding is a liar, at least for the time being. Being a dreamer is a constant haul of emotions and inspirations that can often be killed by reality over the course of seconds or even years! The amount of dissatisfaction I've felt at the world and myself is strenuous compared to the time I feel 100% secure in my direction. But to be honest, it's not because because being a dreamer is a bad thing; I have to stop myself from letting the light die when things get rough. Rather, I think that this internal conflict of passion versus direction is closely related to something much more subtle and ingrained in the needs of the human brain:
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I often reminisce back to when I was 16 years old; so passionate, so certain, and so ambitious. I remember how I wasn't sure about what my future looked like, but dangit did I know I wanted it to look different. You see, my whole life has been about breaking the conventional; whether socially, ambition-wise, or even in my general lifestyle. I broke the mold in every way I could, and tried my best not to care when people got upset about it. That was me.
Now, as I'm presently in my third year of Bible College, working towards my Bachelor of Arts in Not-for-Profit Leadership, I miss that 16 year old girl for her courage, vigor, and maybe even instability. The reason I do isn't because I wish it were a 'simpler time', but rather I miss the feeling of ownership over my fate. But I'll tell you something, |
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