You know when God just completely hi-jacks your plans and makes you wait for Him to fill in the blanks? Isn't that just the greatest time!? Here's some context for you: I just refused a financially sound job that would make sense, would sustain Aiden and I, and would be risk-free, all for an opportunity with basically no money involved, that is completely dependent on whatever the Spirit has in mind. I'm beyond confused, scared, and excited all at once. Oh, Cr*p.Oh, cr*p is right. Excuse the profanity, but there's no turning off of these 'crazy rails' now. When you're chasing the beckoning of the Holy Spirit, there are no rules on what He's allowed to do and what you can expect. Think Jonah being called to Nineveh; that dude was only being wise as to not want to go to Nineveh, it was, by all meanings of the word, not a good idea. But he did it. After he got swallowed by a whale and spat out again. But he did it. God generally seems to have some pretty crazy ideas about what we're supposed to do, and he tends to hi-jack you right when you think you've found something 'reasonable' and risk-free. So here I am, trudging along to Nineveh (so to speak), with nothing but the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to keep me company on this embarking to what could end up as financial suicide. But, as my dear friend Faith likes to tell me, it's f i n e . I think the key to coping with this crazy anxiety within me from just turning down a risk-free opportunity with certain money and a tangible plan is both prayer, and gratitude. So here I am, as I'm writing this, sitting in my car with tears rolling down my cheeks, praying that God would continue to carry me to where He needs me to be and thanking Him for using me already. a boxed in houseplant.Here's the scoop on why I think the Spirit pushed me to turn down the easy, risk-free money: For a while now, in many different capacities, I've felt like a potted houseplant confined inside a closed cardboard box; I can't grow upward at all. There's a certain pretext on what environment or type of ministry does that to me, but I won't get into that right now; the point is that this risk-free job would've supplied me with all of the finances, fame, popularity, and ready-made opportunity I would need to become a youth pastor; it would seriously be like an instant-pastor in the Fraser valley (lil' pun off of the InstantPot), but I wouldn't grow in any of my giftings and I certainly wouldn't have the freedom to be creative within ministry. I would continue to be a lonely potted plant growing inside of a cardboard box. This other opportunity I'm looking at makes basically no financial sense but is alive with opportunity and Spirit-dependent ministry; its main focus is growth unleashed. I really did want to go for the more stable, tangible job that had no strings attached, I really did. I was very tempted to just 'tough out the lack of growth' and find satisfaction in its pay, but that doesn't sound like God at all. God is the one who moves mountains when no one's looking; God is the one who sets fires ablaze just to prove a point; God is the one makes you give up what makes sense to you so that you can wait on Him for miracles rather than what makes sense. Picture it with me; a spindly, but healthy, plant growing out of its little ceramic pot. But itself and its little ceramic pot are all confined in a dark, concealed cardboard box that stops the little plant from reaching the sky. The little plan then just grows in circles, bending and folding and spiraling, and growing in every which way except for up. I can't be that plant anymore. You see, that cardboard box is my own doing; it's what I've put on my life and its who I allow to be my influence and mentor, which makes this next step is a hard one, because I'm getting rid of the box. I'm bursting through the concealed box and growing upward to test my gifts and become apart of the world, ready for the Spirit to use me. Once I get out of this box, I'll be free to continue to grow and test my skills; to apply what I've learned in ministry and advance myself even further in the Spirit. This next step is trusting. Trusting that God's got me, and my personal dragon of a Holy Father knows what He's doing. I don't have the easy job-in-a-box that will happily fund me through the summer, and that is pretty difficult to be okay with... But I do have an inkling and a powerful image that keeps intruding my brain space: a plant that needs to be able to grow. So that's what I'm go on. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to this, and all of my other blog posts; I'm such a verbal processor, and to interact with other 'wisdoms' in a teachable way is indeed my goal. I would ask you all for prayer in this next step of my life; prayer for patience in the waiting and prayer for aliveness in the need. *Rebekah out *
3 Comments
Bartley H Thomas
4/13/2019 01:30:24 pm
Awesome blog, I've been preaching on jonha for three weeks lol! Luv it. Hope you enjoyed wall-e
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Rebekah Thomas
4/13/2019 06:58:54 pm
Oh cool! and lol, Wall-E teaches that I have to take care of the plant to be able to see any fruit or hope. Guess I should pay more attention to my Bible, eh? And yield myself wholly to spiritual development and nurturing
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6/19/2019 01:10:19 pm
I applaud you for recognizing that God's plan isn't necessarily a carbon copy of our plan - sometimes it takes us a LIFETIME to figure that out! Cathy and I have each had so many twists and turns in our lives - individually and over the 13 years we have been together - and all we can do us trust our Lord to fill in the blanks, as you described it. Not always easy, but He has brought us both this far and we know He has the answers to questions we haven't even asked. I hope this summer and the years to come will show you over and over again that you and Aiden have done the right thing in trusting Him. Thank you for another heartfelt, well-written, thoughtful post, Rebekah.
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