Layers"To fully submit ourselves, we have to peel off the layers of our own intentions and agenda, and submit to God's will" Like peeling clothing from our bodies before going to bed, God sometimes requires us to peel our motivations, desires, and agenda away from ourselves to yield to Him. Achieving humility can be discussed as essential to being a good person, or essential to success, or just a sign of weakness. But God requires us to humble ourselves (1 Peter 5:6) so that we can be lifted up for Him through Him. When we have our own intentions and motivations in the way, we refrain from letting go of anything, and therefore believe that we are the masters of our own fate (Invictus by William Ernest Henley). Layers upon layers upon layers of protection, coping mechanisms, and innate desires are what hold us up and keep us moving through this sly world; but God calls us to strip them away. Something I learned recently (as you're probably tired by now of hearing in my other blog posts), is that God moves in unexpected ways, regardless of rules, in a near-reckless way. He gets you all excited for something and then requires you to give up something else, or admit to something you've done. He is a machine of both conviction and direction; never failing to insist on His way. Let me tell you a story, this past Sunday I was at my local church listening to some great preachers who were nervous but on fire about what they were preaching: 'relationship rehab', and how to glorify God in even the most difficult of interactions. I was listening intently, trying to fish out some sort of direct application for what I was going through this past week, basically shaking like a dog waiting for a bone. And as the preachers closed off the sermon, and I began to lose hope for any direct words God would send me, one of them made a connection to relationship with God: "I want you guys to know that this humble approach can be applicable to your relationship with God as well; God loves you so, so much and wants to direct you, but for that to happen you have to submit yourself wholly to Him. Like my mother says, 'sometimes humility takes humiliation'." That last bit smacked me across the face. It was said just as I was leaning to stand up from the pew, and once it was said I knew what God was telling me: I had to face my fears and disappoint some people on their expectations of me to open space for what He was doing. talk is cheapIf you know me at all, you know that I'm a chronic people-pleaser to the max. I say 'yes' when I mean 'no', I open myself to every opportunity I find, and I love being rewarded. Even my expensive Birkman personality test proves that I have way too much involvement of feeling in my commitment and I expect way too much of myself (if you don't have a Birkman, you should defs get one because they're revolutionary in self-development). The issue with this tendency of mine is that sometimes my talk can be cheap... Which doubles as the most despicable trait a person can have in my mind, so you can imagine the frustration when my own talk is cheap. I play the part, I get excited, I pursue opportunity, and for the most part can uphold and grow through all of it; but once in a while it falls through and I have a moment where I need external intervention to let go of my expectations and say 'no'. What application does this have in following the direction of the Spirit? Well it comes down to this, my friend: saying you'll submit versus actually submitting. Talking versus doing. Teaching versus being. About a week and a bit ago, I told the Holy Spirit that I would surrender to His plans and I made one leap into humility by turning down a job offer that would've easily sustained me for the summer. From there, I told myself that I had done a good thing and was on the better corner of the fence on whether or not I trusted the Spirit in what He was doing. But I powered forward, still interviewing and feeding into new opportunities, feeling curious and oblivious to how they would interact with what God is pushing me towards. And do you know what happened? Only minutes ago, I refused something else that I actually really wanted to do, but I knew I couldn't sustain with what I'm being led into. That was a real kick in the teeth, I tell you. I was excited about this opportunity, not only because of the nature of the gig but also the people involved. But this isn't the season for my own agenda. It's a season for submission and waiting on the Lord.
If there's one thing I've learned from my own father (who is a Pastor), it's that self-development and spiritual calling are the one thing that you shouldn't half-a** for the sake of actually learning something. sprouting from the coreOnce you peel off the layers of agenda, desire, motive, etc. you're left with a bare and vulnerable core, like an onion which hides its bulb at the very centre. Once we do peel off all of these layers, which by the way is an ever-gradual process, we are more able and inclined to make headway into spiritual growth. Peeling off the confidence in self, peeling off the career-motives, peeling off the title in your friend-group, peeling off what you think you need, and peeling off what you want are all ways to become this vulnerable core; like an onion core waiting for a new beginning in the ground as a bulb with the capacity to grow, you are ready and undone to be reconfigured. It hurts to be vulnerable, I know. It hurts to make yourself a fool or act out of character. It hurts to be wrong and not in control; correction, it's terrifying! But it's what we're called to do in some circumstances. Once we make ourselves vulnerable and reduce ourselves to a malleable and shapeable core, we're ready to go head-first into growth. I ask you to pray with me, this week. Even if you're not religious, just move yourself to hope and will that I yield to the direction of that which I believe is my God, and submit to my purpose. And I pray the same for you, this week, that you would find the courage to become vulnerable and malleable, open to growth and re-direction for the better. I hope that you are able to submit to your purpose this week, as we journey together into the unknown of Calling. Go back to your roots.
- Rebekah out -
1 Comment
6/1/2019 07:48:24 pm
I'm glad I dug back a little into your blog archives and read this one, Rebekah. You hit the nail on the head about the need for us as Christians to be vulnerable and submissive to our Lord, and in turn to share that vulnerability with each other. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your personal journey with the rest of us. I bet you inspire more of us than you ever thought possible. Keep up the great work and the great witness!
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