knowing vs. doingLately, I have been in a state of waiting for things to happen. I mean, sure, I've been doing a whole lot lately as well, with travelling to the Okanagan, volunteering, etc., but I've also been waiting for things to start. It's interesting how much time you can spend waiting for things, and unless you find an opportunity to make something of yourself in the way, things can feel pretty dull and pretty directionless. It's only a matter of time before a period of waiting and anticipation becomes a deterrent from hopeful and intentional living. Hope is hard to cultivate in things that aren't tangible. In the mean while, I've been crafting, shooting paintballs at my siblings, hangin' with my friend Deb, and trying to nail the bass riff to 'the Queen of Peace' by Florence + the Machine. It's been a good bout of activity, maybe even a little too good. It's almost as if I'm exhausted by the extracurricular, but also bored of the waiting. It's an interesting state to say the least. The short version is that it's hard to know or anticipate things in life but wait around for them. true use of the waitingWith all of this in mind, I've been wondering how to make the 'best' use of my 'free', or 'waiting', time. I've been filling up all of my spare moments with activities, outings, volunteer opportunities, and other things to keep myself busy and feeling useful. What I didn't expect though, is just how valuable doing nothing can be. Sitting, sleeping, reading, petting my loaf of a cat, going for a quiet walk, these are all so much more influential on my growth than I previously thought. I've come to realize just how easy it is to to put your introspective life on pause and simply fill your time with activity. I had never really realized how important it is to be one with what you're doing; that being said, even the most restful and 'boring' of tasks can serve as the most gratifying. As opposed to flipping on some good old Santa Clarita Diet (yes, I know I'm trash), maybe it's time I ought to sit down with my Bible in one hand, coffee in the other, and cat loafed neatly on my lap. Maybe it's time I go for a walk and choose to be grateful for the things I do have, instead of constantly seeking out new things to obtain. I won't lie to you, I really enjoy all of the volunteering, socializing, and even Biology homework I do, but I'm starting to think I need a total rebranding for my spare time. but, people.If there's one thing I hate most, it's definitely disappointing people. I hate saying no, I hate coming short of their expectations, and I hate not being there for them. Let me give you a tangible example, do you ever feel exhausted and nearly dry of energy and vigor but feel conflicted to put your exhaustion on hold for the meeting of someone else's needs? 🙋 I do! It's pretty easy to just tell yourself, "oh, it's too hard to say no but we have to... yadda-yadda," but can I throw you a bit of a wake-up call? You are the one responsible for caring for yourself. It sounds harsh, I know, but the truth is that if you don't care for yourself first, no one else will. That's not meant to scare you or make you close your browser tab in frustration, it's just a little nugget I've learned in the past few years and still have a hard time implementing. If you enjoy taking care of other people, you need to take care of yourself, first. Think of it this way, if you were in a plane that was on its way to crashing, soaring through the atmosphere and oxygen was being sucked out into the endless vat of sky, would you put on your own mask first or someone else's? (Context being a total stranger beside you). You put on yours first! If you pass out, you're not going to be able to help anyone! And then everyone loses! Okay, you get the point, enough of self-care and people priorities. a taste of humanismI am by no means a radical humanist, and only subscribe to as much people-based dignity as the next 20 year old Bible college feminist, but there's a little bit of truth to the idea that nurturing your own growth is good for everyone. Here's what I'm getting at, humanism basically subscribes to the glorification of people-related achievement, growth, introspection, and accomplishment, right? Well, notice that growth is a key word, there. Without growth of skill, without growth of perception, without growth in general we can't accomplish new things. So why is it any different for your mental accomplishment? (maybe of stability and contentment?). And growth takes concentrated time. Ergo, to grow yourself holistically into contentment and a sustainable mindset, you need to dedicate time to rest and introspection. Maybe for you, that's going for a run or writing a book! Whatever it is that most fulfills your state of mind, prioritize it. Even when someone is calling for your attention, listen to the calls of your own heart and needs first. in my waitingOne thing that has stood out to me recently is that growth and development comes readily in the waiting. I don't like waiting around at all, but its so, so good for my state of mind and general health. The moments of waiting for life to happen, or waiting for an exciting new endeavor to come upon you, they're certainly frustrating, and it can be really hard to keep faith about both your relationship with God as well as your certainty in purpose through these times, but it has a use of its own. In my own waiting, I'm realizing that activity and distraction sometimes are just that: distraction. And that I can grow while I'm waiting for big things, I just have to gear up for a deep dive into my relationship with God and soulful health. And so, in the spirit of keeping this ramble non-dictionary length, I charge you with this, Say yes to yourself before you say yes to others. Not to be an impulsive bull in a china shop, but rather to allow for new growth and bending in the moments where it's easier to fill your time. Take time this week to contemplate, read, walk, pet your cat, and introspect and pray. What seems menial can be pretty effective in rejuvenating your heart.
2 Comments
5/28/2019 04:43:54 am
I'm glad to read this, Rebekah, because I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to make sure that my wife and I each get the guilt-free rest we need. We were actually talking about this just the other night after unusually-busy stretches for both of us (including a five-hour stretch this past Sunday where I played music at three different churches in our town). God CALLS us to rest - He gave us a whole day for it, after all, and He took that day off Himself! I hope you have felt a healthy balance of rest and productivity since you posted this not-at-all-dictionary-length reflection. You can do it, Rebekah!
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Rebekah Thomas
5/28/2019 11:00:29 pm
Oh wow! That sounds like a busy day! I can only imagine how tired you and your wife must’ve felt! Thankyou for your encouragement, I’m praying that both you and your wife as well as my husband and I are able to pursue and be content with resting more often this season!
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